...

I have to point this out. Twitter doesn't allow 190 words above. 

I'm no attention whore. I don't need to kneel down and ask to be noticed.

The reason I'm saying this is because certain people say I suck up to people just to gain attention. Like for example: RP. 

When a certain Vert account removed me from the bio, yes. I admit. I was mad. I thought she treats me just like another trash to be thrown away. I'm used to it. Being thrown away and all to the point I feel like the word friend is defined as "people who you think they accept you, only to throw you away later on." 

But, I'm not mad anymore. It still hurts, but I wouldn't go as far as to begging for more attention from anyone who I idolize or follow on Twitter, especially in the HDN community.

When someone mentioned me in a tweet where there was a picture of Exia facepalming himself and the caption of the tweet read "When (my username) gets removed from (Vert's) bio.", I feel utterly disrespected. As if he says I'm a large attention-whore towards (Vert) or any other CPU accounts in Twitter.

There is a HUGE difference between grabbing attention like an attention whore and just asking to be friends open-mindedly. I'm the latter one. 

And, other reasons why I want to voice this out is because of the following:

ONE. Past experience. I was a huge target for bullying years ago. Until now, even though not direct, I feel as though I'm being insulted for being "this weak person". I was insulted, thrown away like trash by people who I thought are really friends. I was betrayed, hurt and tossed around this spiral of depression that eats away at me. 

TWO. The amount of people who are open-minded getting less and less. All I see these days are dank memefied people and MLG jokes and some stuff I don't understand. That's fine. But when it turns a person into someone who is a huge bully or whose words hurt somebody and offend certain people and cannot be approached, it's an ENTIRELY different matter. I feel as if I don't belong somewhere safe. I only have like, 3 or 4 people who I can trust. Those who have open minds. Those who enjoy my company...

But, I feel as if they're also getting tired of me either. I can't tell why, but what I can tell is that their change towards me is depressing me to the very core. I feel as if everyone is pushing me away, not wanting me in their lives, even though I treat their kindness as something I can't forget. I am just trash after all. Who would even give a fuck about this person voicing out his feelings in a stupid blog post?

I feel as if traveling blindly, in a dark place I can't understand. Until the time light gives me hope that I can RP or talk openly, finding people who truly care for me, no matter who I am, no matter what RP style and character I have, I will remain silent, closed. 

I hope you all understand. 
I'm so sorry.
~Raiken

A message to my dearest friends/RP buddies in Twitter

To @VertGoddess, @Ruuto16, @Immortal_ravel and @Nepgear_CPUC:

Hey guys. I know its been quite a long time since I all met you on Twitter. It was a sudden big change in my RP career, I guess you could say. I was able to open myself up using my character as a channel to that energy we share in our RP sessions, whether it be on tweets or DMs.

Now, I know some of you doubt me. Particularly about the people I follow, especially those who have the same character as any of you (especially to Vert).

You see, I'm the kind of person who would never replace those who I have already placed as the RPers I talk to. Of course, new people come to my timeline and of course, I have to treat everyone fairly and responsibly. I know I made my mistakes, especially to Vert, but still, I ain't the perfect OC out there. Not the best admin of this OC either.

You see, I had much worse during the last 6 years since I have started the RP thing. I was much worse than any of you back then. And I admit, I suffered a lot. I was cyber-bullied and stuffs. My accounts on FB have been hacked because of their bullying.

Now, all I want for you guys is to understand and clear your doubts, not that I can completely do so, but most of it. I'm already grateful to you that you followed me and bear with me on Twitter because, I know, some of my tweets are random rants and rambles and other sad stuff. But, its not all like that. You guys will never and never ever be replaceable to me. You already are my friends. And there's no fact that can ever change that.

Now I know I seem emotional all the time, but thats just how I roll. To me, its better to let it out than keep it all in for years. Its unhealthy for me. 

As I write this, honestly, I'm debating on whether I should quit. Because I feel as if I hurt you guys more and be a burden rather than be a pleasant person and a friend to you.

Before I might possibly leave, I just want to ask you one thing?

Was I ever worth your time?

Hey guys. (if there are even any viewers here...)

I have just created a new informational link "Character Relationships" to the left side of the screen. You can look at it for info on my character's relationship with the CPUs here. 

This will be updated every once in a while when either new RPs emerge from Twitter or FB, or my fanfiction Hyperdimension Z Gundam is updated. You can find my fanfiction here:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11624572/1/Hyperdimension-Z-Gundam

Have a good day, everyone. 

Well, I started a blog, and pretty much my RP character's info will be relayed here, also some updates if there ever is any.

Hello newcomers. I'm Raiken. I'm an RPer. If you don't know what that means, it means a roleplayer. I roleplay as my own original character with things based of Mobile Suit Gundam and other anime stuff.

You can follow me on Twitter if you're ever interested. Here's my link. https://twitter.com/ZetaGundam001

Have fun, friends.
Glory to Lady Green Heart of Leanbox.