...

I have to point this out. Twitter doesn't allow 190 words above. 

I'm no attention whore. I don't need to kneel down and ask to be noticed.

The reason I'm saying this is because certain people say I suck up to people just to gain attention. Like for example: RP. 

When a certain Vert account removed me from the bio, yes. I admit. I was mad. I thought she treats me just like another trash to be thrown away. I'm used to it. Being thrown away and all to the point I feel like the word friend is defined as "people who you think they accept you, only to throw you away later on." 

But, I'm not mad anymore. It still hurts, but I wouldn't go as far as to begging for more attention from anyone who I idolize or follow on Twitter, especially in the HDN community.

When someone mentioned me in a tweet where there was a picture of Exia facepalming himself and the caption of the tweet read "When (my username) gets removed from (Vert's) bio.", I feel utterly disrespected. As if he says I'm a large attention-whore towards (Vert) or any other CPU accounts in Twitter.

There is a HUGE difference between grabbing attention like an attention whore and just asking to be friends open-mindedly. I'm the latter one. 

And, other reasons why I want to voice this out is because of the following:

ONE. Past experience. I was a huge target for bullying years ago. Until now, even though not direct, I feel as though I'm being insulted for being "this weak person". I was insulted, thrown away like trash by people who I thought are really friends. I was betrayed, hurt and tossed around this spiral of depression that eats away at me. 

TWO. The amount of people who are open-minded getting less and less. All I see these days are dank memefied people and MLG jokes and some stuff I don't understand. That's fine. But when it turns a person into someone who is a huge bully or whose words hurt somebody and offend certain people and cannot be approached, it's an ENTIRELY different matter. I feel as if I don't belong somewhere safe. I only have like, 3 or 4 people who I can trust. Those who have open minds. Those who enjoy my company...

But, I feel as if they're also getting tired of me either. I can't tell why, but what I can tell is that their change towards me is depressing me to the very core. I feel as if everyone is pushing me away, not wanting me in their lives, even though I treat their kindness as something I can't forget. I am just trash after all. Who would even give a fuck about this person voicing out his feelings in a stupid blog post?

I feel as if traveling blindly, in a dark place I can't understand. Until the time light gives me hope that I can RP or talk openly, finding people who truly care for me, no matter who I am, no matter what RP style and character I have, I will remain silent, closed. 

I hope you all understand. 
I'm so sorry.
~Raiken